Your Dating Life with Herpes

Okay first of all I want to get something out of your head and I know a lot of people have this mentality: now that I know I have herpes, I’m out of the dating game. NO YOU ARE NOT! There is no reason for you to stop looking for your potential soul mate.

Does genital herpes change the person you have always been before you know about it? NO! All of your qualities are still there that drawn people in before will continue doing so. Furthermore, HSV is pretty common in the U.S (20% of the population). So, do not think nor let herpes prevent you from having a successful dating life that any person deserves to have.

Now all of those are out of the way, we can start talking about the actual process of dating. The first date after knowing you have herpes may feel odd because you’d feel like keeping a very important secret. You would struggle to whether or not you should just blurt it out. Here is my advice for you: Do not tell them on your first date. Some things are best to keep for appropriate moments. Now, there are some rules to this that I will talk about soon but overall it is up to you to decide when is the appropriate moment.

There are two essential rules that I really think you should follow:

1/ DO NOT WAIT TILL AFTER HAVING SEX TO TELL THEM. This should be a common sense thing because you technically lied to your partner for not telling them, and could lead to further potential problems.

2/ DO NOT WAIT TILL YOU’RE ABOUT TO HAVE SEX.  We are human after all and sometimes the attraction or the “moment” may be too strong for either of you to think things through and act responsibly.

You would probably be asking “what if I normally have sex on first dates?” or if you tend to start a relationship with sex. Well then I am afraid you might have to change that way of thinking because it is better to tell them when they have already grown attraction to you. Kissing or cuddling are safe so you might not have to tell them before that, but use your judgment to determine how physically intimate is enough before telling. You might find yourself in awkward situation. Now for the ones who actually stay after you tell them, that means they really are the ones for you and you should really appreciate that.

The biggest concern regarding dating with herpes is rejection. Here is my take on it: it is a part of who you are. Even without herpes, people get rejected all the time so if they reject you because of who you are then they are not meant for you in the first place. The real ones will stay and the ones that leave because you tell them you have herpes are probably going to leave eventually anyway. In a sense, rejection is basically still the same as before so why should you worry too much about it? Just move on and try again with a different person because this world is too vast for you to let herpes holding you back.

With everything being said, keep dating. You will find the one who will accept who you are and all your conditions. I did find mine and she did not leave me when I told her. You will see that it is all worth it in the end. Good luck!


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